Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

[Shellystream]

Name: Shatteredsoul
Gender: She-cat
Rank(EX: Warrior, apprentice, etc.): Medicine cat
Age: 21 moons
Physical Description(In writing or image form):[Only admins are allowed to see this image]
Personality: Kind, fierce, loyal, shy
History*: Shatteredsoul was abandoned, she knows nothing of her past. When she was around the age of 4 moons old, she wandered into Thunder Clan's camp. They took her in, and Shatteredsoul took a great interest of herbs and started to train as a medicine cat.
RPG Sample*: Shatteredsoul opened her eyes and yawned. She got out a stretched. Shatteredsoul padded sleepily to the herbs stores. Not much mallow left at all Shatteredsoul thought. She padded out of the medicine cats den and headed out to the forest.

[Cinwan]

...Shellystream, there`s already a medicine cat. Were planing for Ivykit to be the medicine cat apprentice. Sorry. Maybe you could ,make Shatteredsoul a warrior?

[Shellystream]

Oh..OK. Can I make her a queen then?

[Cinwan]

Uh... I guess so. I'm just suggesting that Shatteredsoul might wanna be a warrior since we already have a medicine cat already. It's all up to Zaperex.

[Shellystream]

OK

[Zaperex]

1.Not bad, but I think you should do a change in name-there appears to be no reason for it (she isn't depressed, isn't exiled, etc.) neither does it seem canon in anyway-nobody in the books have ever used the word soul, not even in conversation, much less names. I understand the need to make unique characters, but I don't think it would be an appropriate name. Suggestions: Frostwing, Mistpelt

2.Another issue is the personality has a lack of depth, you've named three positive character traits and one which is neutral. Every cat has his/her flaws, and they need to be present (Ex: Obsessed with grooming, sloppy, forgetful, cowardly, mildly selfish (or a lot, if you want) etc.). You also need this more described to make her unique-does she have any quirks? For example, she may have an aversion towards eating rabbits.

3.Yes, Raintail is already our medicine cat-you could switch her to one of the other clans (probably Riverclan since I haven't finished making the rest) or switch her to queen, which in that case, you'll have to get a mate, or have her mate dead, we can talk about kits later.

4.You have an alright RP sample but remembered to look over your work for typos (ex: " She got out a stretched.").

So please edit your post, but still, good job! () I'm very excited to have another person to RP with, you'll be ready to go after fixing these errors, reply soon! ^^

-Zap

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